Ashia Ray [they/them]
Ashia Ray is the Head Custodian of Infodumpery at Raising Luminaries, helping caregivers juggle advocacy and care work without losing their marbles.
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DISMANTLING SUPREMACY SERIES
Do You Glorify Shitty Boundaries?
Accountability group & family discussion prompts for raising the next generation of kyriarchy-smashers.
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Posts may contain affiliate links and sponsorships, which allow me to earn a commission at no extra cost to you.
Welcome to the Dismantling Supremacy Discussion Series
In this Collab Lab discussion series, we talk about supremacy culture and our responsibility to examine it within ourselves and our communities.
Connecting individual struggle & systemic inequality
How do you see poor boundaries as a virtue?
This work is best done in community: Join the Winter Incubator and Summer Luminator for space to work through this together.
This month in the Radical Caregiver Book Club, we’re discussing this passage fromCare Work: Dreaming Disability Justice by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha. (affiliate link)
“It is okay if you build in boundaries.
It is okay if you are imperfect.
It is okay and good to build relationships where you are loved not just for your labor.
It is okay to say no to being everyone’s mommy.
It is okay to not reply to everyone’s email instantaneously.
It is okay to build relationships with the expectation that you both will make mistakes and you get to make amends and repair.
If someone comes shooting, you can give yourself some cover, not hand them your heart.
You are a renewable and also limited resource. You deserve to be held.”
Which of these boundaries did adults discourage when you were little?
Which were shameful?
Which were selfish?
Which made the boundary-holder ‘difficult’ or rude?
Which of these have you explicitly discussed with your kids?
If we don’t want our disabled Asian granddaughters to have to choose between feeling worthy and feeling safe – what actions do we need to model for our kids today?
Relevant Resources
- Join the Winter Incubator – where we examine the stories we grew up with and how to reframe them to stop setting ourselves on fire to keep others warm.
- Join the Summer Luminator to clarify the limits of your care work and focus your floodlights into laser-beams.
JOIN US
PARTNERS IN CAHOOTS
ACCOUNTABILITY
Raising Luminaries is rooted in the unceeded land of the Wampanoag & Massachusett People.
Land acknowledgements are worthless without action. So we prioritize amplifying Indigenous-lead resources in our toolkits and reciprocate with donations to the Wôpanaâk Language Reclaimation Project.
AFFILIATE DISCLOSURE
Ashia Ray & Raising Luminaries are participants in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and the Bookshop.org Affiliate Program, affiliate advertising programs designed to provide a means for me to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com, Bookshop.com, and affiliated sites.
Photographs via Unsplash & Illustrations via Storyset, used with permission.
©2014-2026 Ashia Ray of Raising Luminaries™. All rights reserved.