Ashia Ray [they/them]
Ashia Ray is the Head Custodian of Infodumpery at Raising Luminaries, helping caregivers juggle advocacy and care work without losing their marbles.
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DISMANTLING SUPREMACY SERIES
How do you distract from impact with intent?
Accountability group & family discussion prompts for raising the next generation of kyriarchy-smashers.
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Posts may contain affiliate links and sponsorships, which allow me to earn a commission at no extra cost to you.
Welcome to the Dismantling Supremacy Discussion Series
In this Collab Lab discussion series, we talk about supremacy culture and our responsibility to examine it within ourselves and our communities.
Connecting individual struggle & systemic inequality
Intention, Impact & Excuses
This work is best done in community: Join the Winter Incubator and Summer Luminator for space to work through this together.
In the Collab Lab, we’re exploring sabotage in activism & organizing. Let’s examine how making everything about ourselves prevents us from making progress.
What stories did you grow up with about ‘making mistakes?’
- What messages did you get about ‘good’ and ‘bad’ people deserved?
- How did others make excuses for harming you?
- What explanations were you expected to give when you hurt others?
When have you felt compelled to explain your good intentions?
- When have you been called on to take accountability, and derailed the conversation by explaining your motivations?
- Whose sense of safety and comfort were you concerned with?
- Who else was impacted?
- Who was most at risk?
How do you benefit from making conflict all about you?
- What are you afraid could happen if people misunderstand your intentions?
- How do you benefit from the myth of innocence?
- How are you harmed by the myth of innocence?
How do you approach intention & impact with your kids?
- How does knowing your child didn’t mean to cause harm appeal to your sense of comfort?
- How do you allow your child’s ability to explain good intentions impact the consequences they have to deal with?
- What labels have you used to identify ‘bad’ people for your kids? (ex: ‘racist,’ ‘stupid,’ ‘mean’)
Commit to Action: Developing Policy, Practice & Skills
What SKILLS are you developing?
Example: Processing the discomfort of feeling misunderstood by breathing, nodding, and waiting to be asked before explaining yourself.
What POLICY will you follow to develop that skill?
Example: Choosing to label behavior, not people, as awful, terrible, and foul.
How can you PRACTICE this policy starting today?
Example: Commit to sitting with the discomfort of not explaining your intentions the next time you mess up.
Relevant Resources
- Join the Winter Incubator – where we dig deeper into demolishing supremacist norms with anarchy calisthenics.
- Join the Summer Luminator to identify ways to contribute, amplify, or break advocacy, parenting, and career initiatives with enthusiasm and joy.
- Four Parts of Accountability: How to give a genuine apology
- Let’s Explore Truth & Reconciliation with kids
JOIN US
PARTNERS IN CAHOOTS
ACCOUNTABILITY
Raising Luminaries is rooted in the unceeded land of the Wampanoag & Massachusett People.
Land acknowledgements are worthless without action. So we prioritize amplifying Indigenous-lead resources in our toolkits and reciprocate with donations to the Wôpanaâk Language Reclaimation Project.
AFFILIATE DISCLOSURE
Ashia Ray & Raising Luminaries are participants in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and the Bookshop.org Affiliate Program, affiliate advertising programs designed to provide a means for me to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com, Bookshop.com, and affiliated sites.
Photographs via Unsplash & Illustrations via Storyset, used with permission.
©2014-2026 Ashia Ray of Raising Luminaries™. All rights reserved.