Today, we discuss:

• The four types of EFFORT & why we over-exert ourselves.
• Unpacking the obstacles parents face in seeking deep effort 
• How puttering fuels our effort so we don’t burn out

Hi friends!

Welcome to the second caper of chapter 4 – generating the energy and joy we need to show up for others.

In our last caper we discussed WORK, but this week we’re talking about EFFORT. Work is the actions we take, effort is the energy we put into that action.

Today, we discuss:

• The four types of EFFORT & why we over-exert ourselves.
• Unpacking the obstacles parents face in seeking deep effort 
• How puttering fuels our effort so we don’t burn out

Somewhere long ago, I picked up this weird idea that play is frivolous and work is drudgery. If you picked this idea up too, let’s put it down together.

Despite working hard to avoid passing this nonsense on to my kids, they’ve picked it anyway. So I’m struggling with a non-judgy way to communicate that my work is delightful!

It’s just… their definition of ‘play’ isn’t appealing to me – not because I don’t like playing, but because they have terrible taste in hobbies and twirling in circles until I barf lost its luster after the York Amusement Octopus Ride Incident of 1993.

The difference between work and play isn’t how hard we’re trying. And not it’s how much fun we’re having, because work can be much more enjoyable than play. And we know from our last caper that work is not just production.

So now to model the joy of work with our kids, let’s discuss how it fits into the four types of effort  – along the axes of delight and sustainability

First, let’s talk about easy work we can sustain long-term: Remember in a previous chapter about how humans seek challenges? If our work doesn’t require exertion – regardless of whether it’s delightful or drudgery – this will not satisfy the internal validation we’re seeking. So we ramp it up and keep going longer than we should – causing emotional drain even when our work seems effortless.

And then there’s the work that requires exertion: When we’ve got nothing but strenuous work in front of us, even when we love it – we can’t sustain it long term. So there is some value in balancing exertion and ease.

If we can identify the actions that demand our delightful exertion – challenging work we love to do, then the PROCESS of the work becomes a source of validation. Regardless of the outcome or results we produce.

So what does joyous exertion look like for us within the realm of our activism? What balance of delightful ease, joyous exertion, and aimless puttering allows us to pace ourselves for regenerative work?

If we can name the validating actions that demand our joyous exertion, If we can name the unsustainable drudgery that leaves us drained  – how will this reduce decision fatigue in choosing which tasks we’re willing to take on?

The world is complicated and we can’t just do everything we want to do all the time. Both activism and parenting come with responsibilities that suck, and we still have to do them even if they’re agonizing, and even when they’re excruciatingly difficult and unsustainable.

So if we don’t balance this unsustainable drudgery with aimless puttering and joyful exertion – we’re gonna burn out.

We can’t completely avoid drudgery, nor should we – that painful, uncomfortable work is the stuff of both growth (exertion) and keeping the lights on (ease).

 When we DO find a way to balance our efforts and choose our working responsibilities carefully, we can create a regenerative path through our spiral praxis.

So let’s make sure to show our kids that when we celebrate ‘work,’ we mean all kinds of effort, both easy work and work that requires deep exertion. Both the stuff that delights us and the stuff that cracks us open so we can grow. 

Let’s show them that work isn’t for other people, or to win their approval. That not working does not lessen our value

Work is for ourselves. It’s the actions we choose to check in with our values. 

Whether we work aimlessly or toward an outcome, work WILL produce results. Those results allow us to assess whether the process we’ve chosen strengthens our relationship with each other and our planet, or causes harm.

But we don’t always get to choose our path.

As parents of kids who need hands-on care, we have different obstacles to navigate.

It’s not quite as simple as choosing to do the work that excites and challenges us. With other humans relying on us, we can’t just plan out and execute the perfect itinerary of effort. I’m deeply frustrated with anyone who makes that choice seem simple, or like a choice at all.

So I’d like to propose that we hold this idea of work and effort… loosely. We can use these ideas to recognize when we’re working unsustainably and do the few things within our spheres of control to tip our practice toward regeneration.

Like choosing to putter with a guitar over scrolling Facebook. Or recognizing when all the meals we have planned for the week require exertion, giving ourselves permission to swap out a few dinners with instant ramen.

In the guidebook, we revisit our best practices for reflection activities. 

When we first introduced reflection activities at the beginning of the summer, it probably seemed like this is just more busywork. 

But when we look at reflection activities through the lens of puttering and joyful exertion – they become a foundation for practicing regenerative work.

How can our reflection activities give us over-doers a kickstart to practice aimless activities?

How can we cut through the din of passive distractions and to-do lists so our lizard brains can finally get our attention and help us understand the difference between what we feel obligated to do, and what we really want and need to pursue?

Now that we truly understand why reflection activities are a major element of the summer accelerator, we can create a PACT to incorporate a putter practice and joyful exertion into our action regimen. Because reflection activities are a mix of either – depending on how we approach them

See we in the polo group – let us know what you’re gonna do next!

Tool Kits

• Reflection Activity Ideas
• What Does Joy & Want Feel Like? (content warning for cartoon body parts & internal organs)

Podcast Episodes

• How to Transform Overwhelm Into Action