Showing up for each other

• Creating brave spaces
• Community agreements for access & joy
• Optional Live Hangouts
• All we need to get started
  • Zoom
  • Rituals
  • Boundaries

Summary of what we covered this week

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Hello friends, congratulations you made it is it’s day five, the last day of our getting shit done thingy falling apart. We’re going to talk about how to show up for each other. Okay, so part five, final thing, good job making it. Today we’re gonna talk about creating brave spaces to cultivate growth and creating community agreements to build trust. So briefly brave spaces, if you’re not familiar with any of the live events have ever done. If we think of there are three zones, and we want to create brave spaces where people feel not necessarily safe, but they know that it’s going to be okay, and they can be resilient, and the people there will hold space for them if they mess up, basically. So if you think of like a Coen centric circle, in the middle, at the very center, you have your safe zone, that’s the space of healing and safety and replenishing, and it is totally okay to stay there. But you don’t want to stay there all the time, because then you won’t grow. And then just outside of that, you have your growth zone, some people have a very narrow window of tolerance in their grip growth zone, some of them have wider ones, and you can actually grow, how far into your growth zone, you can go with a little bit of practice. This is the space where we learn, we reflect, we grow, we experiment, we take risks, and we build trust. This is a space we want to be for most of our summer accelerator. And it’s okay to retreat back into your safe space. But then, you know, once you have what you need, come back into the growth zone and say something that you’re nervous about saying, if you know it comes from a good place, and you’re doing the best you can take some risks and say some things and ask some questions that you’re not sure how it’s gonna turn out. What you don’t want to do is extend yourself so far that you get into the danger zone, that’s where you’re going to hit it into dysregulation, inertia, avoidance lashing out. This is the space where we are, this is the space we find ourselves in when we’re, you know, going through one of those social media feeds where everyone’s like, get out, do the work, make yourself uncomfortable, spend more money than you have. And this is unsustainable. Sometimes you’re gonna find yourself in your danger zone. And it’s as grownups, it’s our responsibility to recognize our triggers that send us there, it’s our responsibility to communicate those triggers to other people. So that way they can hold space for us, and help and make space for us to get back into our safety zone or growth zone. And it’s our responsibility to recognize when we’re there and regulate ourselves. So that’s where community agreements come in. If we want to create a brave space, we need to come up with community agreements that are tailored for the actual people. So if you’re a DIY your own summer accelerator, if you’re leading a group, if you’re leading a PTO meeting, it’s really good to have some group norms in place, particularly that are designed to support and help the people who are most at risk and most in danger of being attacked, of ending up in their danger zone. I cannot I cannot resist saying that every time I introduced this concept, I’m sorry. I will grow up one day, but not right now. So your community agreements ideally are designed by your members. Some examples from previous events that I’ve hosted our make this moment together different. This summer accelerator, I got these ridiculous hair new things. I am not pulling them off. I feel like this is an aside, like you know, when you have like a baby who’s got like that male pattern baldness thing going on, and you put like a jaunty cap or one of those fluffy little headband. bows, it looks like a wedding garter on their head. That’s basically what this is right now. This is just to distract from my terrible haircut. But also it makes this moment different because I never wear these normally. We can do small things. In the winter, we lit a candle, right? Or we you know, created a safe, quiet space together. So whatever you want to do to make this moment different in the summer, that’s an example of a community agreement. second query agreement that I really love is no witchy underpants, which is why I’m wearing the sturdy t shirt. No bra My face is Gracie. Eyebrows are all over the place. And what’s important is that I show up for you and do the things that I said I would do. Not that I impress you with how good looking I am. Right? So whatever you feel like society tells you you have to do to show up and it actually keeps you from showing up. Don’t do those things. Know what you underpants allowed. Another great group norm is approaching with curiosity whenever you feel a push towards envy or judgment or jealousy or fear of loss. Try and remind yourself to move towards curiosity. Why am I feeling that way?

Well What did that person say, to make me feel this way? What is going on? How does that tap into how I have learned people are supposed to be in the world. Another good one resist arrogance, such as an iPhone did this a lot whenever I read a book, or watch a video, and someone’s introducing some concept, and I’m like, Oh, I already know this. This is wasting my time I have so little time and you’re wasting it. Of course, you know this, of course, I already know these things. I read a lot of books. This is where spiral Praxis comes in. So instead of, we wait me wasting my own time by getting arrogant about how I already know this, because nothing I ever tell you is going to be something that you don’t already know. It’s just how can I dig deeper into this concept? How can I use this coming up in conversation to be an opportunity for me to think a little bit deeper about it to think about what has changed in my life since the last time I thought about it? And how can I put it into practice? Another great group norm is leaning into discomfort, hence, moving into the growth zone. And then another great one is presuming competence and avoiding unsolicited advice. This is really helpful, particularly if we have a mixed group, racially evilly, mixed, where people with power tend to come in with well meaning advice, when really what targeted people want is just for people to hear that we have challenges that we are dealing with it. And you know, showing up as an accountability process is, hey, this is my challenge. This is what I’m working on. So unless someone is asking for advice, don’t suggest it. Because the odds are that the person who is suggesting who is dealing with this channel challenge has already thought of that has already tried it. And for reasons that we don’t understand because of our privilege or ignorance because of us just living in different places and different bodies. It’s not possible for them. So we can always say, do you want advice? Or is this event Do you have any ideas, here’s what qualifies me to give this advice if you’re interested in it. But just avoid just offering unsolicited advice anyway. So those are some examples of community agreements that I usually have in most of my live events. If you log into the portal, or download that guide that goes along with this series of videos, there’s a link in this caper that allows you to edit the community agreements or suggest and vote for the community agreements that would make you feel that this is a safer slash braver, more accessible space for you with space to add your own ideas. So that’ll be open until I guess, tonight, if this is posting on Friday, before we set the community agreements for the summer, and maybe potentially all summers moving forward. So visit the community agreements page if you’re a member of the summer accelerator for examples of our winter incubator, community agreements, and also how those played out. Another thing I wanted to share with you is for the summer accelerator, we are having optional live hangouts. I know everyone is out and about doing trips, vacations, conferences, and most people are not going to be able to attend these, that’s totally fine. These are going to be Fridays at 1pm. Eastern 10am. Pacific. And if you want to join us for those, if anyone shows up within the first 30 minutes, I will stick around and hang out. Otherwise, I’ll bounce. And I’ll stick around for an hour or two if people are there and you want to hang out. So this is intended to be helpful for anyone who needs real time accountability. Who wants to talk face to face, the Polo chat group is going to be the busiest space for us to engage. But if you just want that back and forth, that’s going to be the place to go. So that’ll be on Zoom. And you can if you’re a member of the summer accelerator, see the live hangouts page on the portal for the link on how to join and what time they are and stuff like that. Okay, so let’s engage in the Polo group. And let’s just have some fun. So everything that you need to get started if you’re a member of the summer accelerator, zoom, a Marco Polo group, and create some boundaries and agreements. If you’re DIY in your own summer accelerator, you need those three things. They’re helpful. Maybe you don’t even need the live Hangout if you don’t want it. So your call to action for today is come join our call to tailor agreements for accessibility and join the portal. And then

I guess let’s summarize the week. This week, we gained five strategies to show up and get shit done, even when we are super swamped as busy parents managing all of the things. So first, we learned how to resist you primacy and focus on process over results. Second, we learned we we learn and we reflect and we take action through spiral praxis and seasonal pacing. Third, we tackle decisions step by step with weekly breaking things up into weekly topics daily rituals and a community to work alongside us. And then we move from passive consumption to active discovery through sensory based reflection activities. And then finally, we learned how to show up for each other and connect to create brave spaces through accessibility and goofy joy. So I’m super excited if you’re joining me for the summer accelerator. If you’re not, no worries, just join one of my mailing list and I will let you know the next time what is happening and I hope you can join me then. Okay. This means it’s only a couple of days until we kick off the summer accelerator I’m so excited and also very sweaty.

• Our Community Agreements
• Join the Summer Polo Group & Learn more about our Polo Group Chats
• Learn how to join the Live Hangouts