Let’s stop pretending we have our shit together.

We are not here to compete. Your Best Self is NOT INVITED to this party where the rest of us are showing up as our full selves. 

If wearing fancy underpants and using the only nice corner of your home as your Zoom background  helps you focus – you do you!

However – notice and acknowledge when you’re curating and minimizing yourself.

• > It’s okay to huff and puff as you record an on-the-go video message!
• > It’s okay to use your natural speaking voice, to say ‘um‘ and ‘like‘ and cuss and ramble!
• > It’s okay to shut off your screen and just use voice or written responses.
• > It’s better to respond in the moment with half-baked thoughts while you’re nursing instead of procrastinating until ‘things calm down.’ (They won’t.)

Show up as yourself,  in your real space in whatever way helps us focus.

Cracks are how the light gets in!

We build trust by creating space for conflict and healthy repair. This is how we model resilience for our kids.

You are invited (but not compelled) to share your stories and reflections. Be willing to take risks, to say the wrong thing, to provoke a challenge, to piss each other off – but you’re never obligated to retraumatize yourself for another member’s edification.

Maybe discomfort looks like disagreement. Or awkward silence. Or  resisting false urgency and moving slower. Or taking action before we feel prepared.

Notice, name, and hold space for your discomfort without pushing it (or each other) away.

If we can’t handle our own reactions to seeing someone in pain, we may try to solve each others’ problems with advice, information, or volunteering unwanted services.

We’re here to hold space for each other to reclaim our agency and solve our own problems – not to fix, rescue, or save each other.

Unsolicited advice can be is insulting – everyone here is smart – so they’ve probably already thought of and tried your first brainstorm ideas.

Explaining why this advice won’t work forces targeted folks to  disclose private info on how this situation is different than your aunt’s-friend’s-dentist who had a similar problem.

Even if with good intentions, unsolicited advice demands emotional labor. Let’s not force folks who are already having a hard time to defend themselves and their choices.

Instead – listen and respect each other’s lived experiences.

Share our own similar experiences and emotions – without attempting to adjust another’s experience or feelings about their own obstacles.

Ask ‘are you looking for advice or resources?‘  Get consent before suggesting your solutions.

Treat silence as a member of the group to work with and learn from.

Let’s get curious about the diverse ways we process and take on this work.

We have been trained to respond with discomfort, avoidance, offense, shock, anger, or revulsion when folks challenge our most toxic cultural norms. So let’s breathe through it, and accept this gift of disagreement as a way to understand the bigger system.

We can’t expose or heal the flaws in our system, in our selves, if we’re unwilling to get curious about choices and behavior we don’t understand.

Cheerfully disagree about practices and methods, celebrate our unique perspectives, and get excited about the opportunities that come from being challenged.

Get curious about your reactions and what they teach you about yourself and your assumptions.

We live in an attention economy, and in our daily lives, we’re expected to respond right away to everything.

The Summer Luminator is where we practice resisting false urgency that distracts us from our true goals.

Even if you’re afraid you’re wrong – let’s ask if urgency is a factor in disagreements and conflicts. This awareness helps us understand the pressures we face and how supremacy and capitalism pushes us toward production at the expense of relationships.

Sure – we’ve already heard this before. But this time, we’re approaching our challenges from a new angle.

Through the concept of ‘spiral praxis’ we give ourselves permission to grow and branch.

It takes humility to fail and then get up and try things in a new way.

Outside the Luminator, targeted people are ‘pressured to shrink ourselves, to apologize for speaking up or taking space. We don’t do that here – we take up space.

By speaking up, we model for each other that it’s okay to ramble, speak awkwardly, and think out loud. We’ve got nothing to prove except that every member has unconditional worth.

We welcome your insights and stories, but there’s no pressure to share. This is a space where you reclaim your agency, and that includes the right to your privacy and your peace

Our discussions thrive on joyful engagement and welome participation, where contributions come from genuine enthusiasm, not obligation.

Everyone here brings valuable insights to our conversations. In this space, we center people with lived experience over those who study us.

By presuming competence, we hold space for each other’s right to survive and thrive even in spheres where we are stereotyped and blocked from power and resources.

Different perspectives give us opportunities to learn and expand our idea of inclusion and equity.

When we cheerfully disagree, we practice making space for collective liberation.

Cheerfully challenge practices and methods, searching for common values. By learning differing methods, we build a transparent, open environment where everyone feels heard and safer in sharing their truths.